During the first two weeks of December I attended the Blue Star’s retreat. This is the third year that I have actively made time and done my best to be in the space of the ashram, to participate in the conversations, to tune in to what is being shared by my Guru and others in the space. I wasn’t sure that I would join this year, life seems very busy with juggling work and family, but ultimately it feels like an inevitability. That at this point in my life this is where I am meant to be, what I am meant to be doing, and what I am meant to be learning and sharing.

“Learning is a life-long activity”, says my Guru and this is something I know to be a deep truth. Once we are here on this plane then our journey through it is a process of learning or relearning all that we are. 

We are in 2025 and this means that I have been with the Blue Star for 32 years. Most of my life. I have heard these teachings time and again. I quietly try to live them. It is a process of becoming. Even though the material is the same, the delivery may be different. My mind may focus on one thing and mull over that for a bit. An experience or discussion may spark deeper insight and understanding of self.

This year I have been focused on:

• What it means to be a seeker and the four qualities of a seeker (discrimination, detachment, discipline, and desire).

  • I know that everyone’s path is different, and in thinking of this I think of my mother. How do we seek liberation in our everyday lives? How do we maintain our presence? How do we fulfil the purpose of our being here? 

  • How do I build these qualities? I often question if I want to, if my desire to be a seeker is strong, and then I look at my life and the things that I do and think that perhaps I am overthinking. I have asked my Guru for guidance on multiple occasions and he has said, “keep doing what you are doing”. In 2025 I feel that I am beginning to understand and accept my own process. There has been a deeper measure of contentment and joy in my space and so I trust that I am working with Grace. 

• Maintaining an awareness of my subtle being in everyday life. 

  • A more conscious awareness. I know now, because I have worked towards it and experienced it, that I can go into any space and teach, I can lift spaces with my presence. I pause while I am writing this to ask myself if this is an ego statement and on reflection the answer is no. It is what it is now. A conscious choice I make to prepare myself when facing groups, when going into spaces with a purpose. What I want to be able to do is maintain this presence continuously. That in every moment I am aware. There are flashes of this now but it is a work in progress for me. 

I wonder about sharing this here but perhaps it will be helpful to you if you come across it. If you have any thoughts or questions, please feel free to message!